Things heard at the hockey game

I was on another site and contributors were asking what are the stupidest things you've ever heard while watching a hockey game. I had two stories to chip in.

My uncle, who was a bit of a wag, would shout: “Tuuuuuuue” (Kill) whenever a Canadiens was lining up an opponent for a check. He was very proper and droll, so even as a boy I knew he was kidding and mocking other blood-thirsty fans, but he cracked me up every time. He would start real low with the ‘u’ and drag it out, sometimes while polishing his glasses. This was the same man who would excitedly exclaim: “S’il avait pas manqué le filet, elle etait dedans!” (If he hadn’t missed the net it would have gone in!), or “Si le gardien l’avait pas arrêté, c’était un but certain!” (If the goalie hadn’t stopped it that was a sure goal!) He would make these absurd pronouncements as if they were profound, and made watching hockey a hilarious event.

One other was told to me by my buddy Scott who grew up a Jets fan. He said the Winnipeg Arena could be very quiet, with reserved but knowledgeable fans watching the action. One night he had tickets in the upper reaches of the arena, and nearby there was an enormous fan with a grease-stained jersey stretched tight on his belly. He had a booming voice that carried well, and he would shout his observations at strategic moments, the usual stuff about the Jets sucking. At one point however, during a lull in the action while players waited for the faceoff, the fan stood up again and took in a deep breath. “Neufeld!…”, he thundered, in a deep low voice, with a slight pause to get everyone’s attention, “…you’re a n*****!!!!”

Now Scott is a good story teller, and he has been caught embellishing a couple of times, but he swears this ricocheted around the arena and that the players on the ice heard it and shuffled around, embarrassed. Ray Neufeld was also waiting for the puck to drop, but didn’t react. The good people of Winnipeg in the area absorbed this and there was a hush in the crowd, as they sat there in disbelief. A couple seconds later, a couple of fathers and concerned citizens in the crowd, some of who had already talked to this guy and had asked him to keep his mouth in check a little, turned on him and started to let him have it. The creep shot right back and swore at everyone trying to talk sense into him, they started swearing back, it very quickly escalated into a shove by the creep. He instantly was swarmed by a half-dozen men who pounded him and got him to the ground, until security showed up and dragged him away, to a standing ovation from everyone in the section.