We need to call up Angelo Miceli and Mac Bennett.
78 points in 78 games. The Gary Bettman .500, rubberstamped by 'Colie' Campbell.
We must spin The Wheel of Contingency, it's our only hope.
15 spins in, we stop to catch our breath. This is hard work. Thankless work. Fruitless toil.
Two more spins to get to Jets-Flames-Canadiens. Almost perfect, just need to invert that order. But nothing wrong with out-of-our-division Canadian teams winning that lottery.
Except the clowncar Oilers, of course.
29 spins in, and I'm bent over, wheezing, feeling a little dizzy. I walk it off, too winded to speak, but with a strained grin on my face:
1 Montreal Canadiens
2 Calgary Flames
3 Edmonton Oilers
4 Toronto Maple Leafs
5 Columbus Blue Jackets
6 Vancouver Canucks
7 Winnipeg Jets
8 Buffalo Sabres
9 Arizona Coyotes
10 Ottawa Senators
11 New Jersey Devils
12 Colorado Avalanche
13 Carolina Hurricanes
14 Detroit Red Wings
You have run the simulator 29 times.
"I really... really should (gasp, wheeze)... spin again (pant pant)... to get the (snort wheeze)... the (huff puff)... Oilers... outta there (clutches at his side)... but (drops to his knees)... I think (squeaky rattly breaths)... I think (makes gesture that could mean "I'm done", or "Call 911")... I just (sags to the floor and passes out)...