Our lottery odds are unchanged at 5%, apparently stuck in cement. The last few days there's been great glee in Vancouver due to the Canucks failing to score in four out of five games, and tallying one measly goal in the other, en route to five straight losses and 28th overall, and the grand prize in hailing distance.
Meanwhile we do the one step backwards, one step forward shuffle. Michel Therrien puts great emphasis on consistency. We learned that the Wings organization does so as well in the innumerable profiles of Anthony Mantha and his travails in Grand Rapids the last two years.
Well, we ain't consistent, we keep shooting ourselves in the foot. It's like the players don't really want that coaching change.
So we spin The Wheel of Ignominy, and mirror our five percent odds with a hit, a #2 on the fifth spin. But, we're bookended by the Leafs and Oilers, and that won't do, so we spin again.
And on the Yvon Lambertian 11th spin, we stick:
Toronto Maple Leafs
1 Montreal Canadiens
2 Vancouver Canucks
3 Toronto Maple Leafs
4 Edmonton Oilers
5 Columbus Blue Jackets
6 Calgary Flames
7 Winnipeg Jets
8 Buffalo Sabres
9 Arizona Coyotes
10 Ottawa Senators
11 Carolina Hurricanes
12 New Jersey Devils
13 Colorado Avalanche
14 Detroit Red Wings
You have run the simulator 11 times.
Almost perfect, except for the #3 winner being the Leafs, we'd prefer the Flames or the Jets, but I'd go for an All-Canadian Top 3. We kind of need the help in the Great White North, with suckage from sea to sea to sea, some of it even unintentional.
But I've often said that I don't really hate the Leafs, that they're not rivals of ours, that's a media creation by TSN and HNIC, to sell newspapers and drive ratings, sure, but mainly so these jokers in Toronto who have to cover the Leafs can have a talking point, can muster pretend relevance.
Growing up as a French-Canadian Canadiens worshipper, my hated teams were the Flyers and the Bruins, and les Nordiques pretty much the instant they joined the league, despite my uncle having played for them.
And I've claimed often that my main reason for disliking the Leafs was that they stacked their roster with loathsome thugs, Tie Domi and Wade Belak, and rats like Darcy Tucker and Nazem Kadri. If they had a decent team, I'd actually be happy for their success.
Well, it looks like Brendan Shanahan, Lou Lamoriello and Mike Babcock are headed in that direction. At last year's draft, Kyle Dubas picked a slew of small, fleet, talented forwards, who were I repeat small. Dmytro Timashov, Mitch Marner, Jeremy Bracco, they're intended to score, not gore.
So what the hey, if the Leafs get #3, they're not going to draft Tyler Biggs the Second with it. Let the baby have his bottle. We've got ours, our 'gros joueur de centre'. Whatevs, right?
Did not play, playoff odds unchanged at 0.00002%
What a year it's been, right? We went from 99.99% chances to be in the playoffs back in December, and now this.